heart paining,cry..sad..I HATE U!!!16/12/10

Arrrrrrrrrrrr......my heart paining!!!!....really!!!.....unable to breath....heart feel stop!!! very pain....like a lot of knife keep tab it into my heart......arrrr.....hurt!!!!....unable to breath!!!!! am i...arrr......pain......reriously hurt...pain.....really....unable to breath....feel like wanna throw away...break away everything...everything that u been give it to me!!!....arrrrrrrrr.......hurt!!!!! very hurt!!!!!!!! can't stand my pain!!!!....wanna kill myself!!!!arrrrr....really can't stand...can't stand anymore!!!!how could he send this to me!!!!!

feel like i am wrongly in luv of him!!!...feel like i'm not suppose to in luv with him...

omg!!!....this 2 years we been 2gether is blank!!!!!!!....tears drop uncontrolable!!!....

omg....uncontrolable feel hurt!!!COULDN'T IMAGINE THIS IS FROM HIS MOUTH!!!

HURTTTTTT!!!!!SERIOUSLY!!!!

DEAD!!!!....TOTALLY DEAD!!!!!...HEART TOTALLY DEAD FOR HIM!!!!

I NOW FEEL THAT I AM THE STUPIDEST GAL IN THE WORLD!!!

HOW COULD I FALL IN LUV WITH THIS GUY!!!!

HATE THAT I''M SO STUPID!!!!

"HATE THAT I LUV U!!!!"

I need you - 09.12.10

Tears fall down uncontrolly....drop it into my lip...taste bitter...

Thought could forget you....but it's hard....never thought i was so weak....always ask god how could he treat me like that...how could all this happen to me?? i thought i could forget him....i really thought so...

but now...i realise....he was so important to me....really hate that i love him so!!!!

The song of "Hate that i love you"...really could explain my situation now...

especially on :
"One of these days, maybe your magic won't affect me,
and your kiss won't make me weak,
but no one in this world knows me the way you know me,
so you probably always have a spell on me"

Another sentense is where :
"And you completely know the power that you have,
The only one that makes me laugh,
Sad and it's not fair how you take advantage of the fact,
That i love you beyond reason why and it just ain't right"

Hate that i love you....hate how muct i love you....if i were not to put so muct in love...today...I won't be like that...

Sorry to say...

He is missing me - 25.11.10

Saw his fb just now, he mention that u had went to a place where meet me for the last time in his life....I guess is the smart hotel he mention....hmmm....really doesn't know how to describe of our relationship...it's both of us loving each other...

but....we just unable to get together....what should we do??

20.11.2010 - your birthday

your birthday eve i was so upset dear...cos i'm not the one that important could celebrate your 21st birthday with you!...

Totally upset...I cry...i been mad...scold people....this is the hardest day for me to pass by....

now is already a quarter after 12am...i guest u r drinking right now....and gonna drink very hard today...not sure your family will gonna celebrate for you or not...but...i wish to celebrate with you...

Remember that we had in Roadhouse?...u mention is the best and ever birthday in your life...I'm happy to listen that...and wish to have wonderful birthday every year that could celebrate with you...

I believe u r waiting for your 21st birthday....a day that u will leave me soon...as u mention u will be work oversea...when the time after 21...

Really hope that now I could drink drink and drink until I able to drunk...and not to think anything in my life....as the heart paining won't be there....

Although drunk but heart and mind are still clear....

There is not much I can do...the only thing that i can do, is to send u a message via facebook...wishing u 21st Happy Birthday,wish u happy always, have a bright future...and success in your life...take care...

This is the only thing that i could do....as...u r not allow me to SMS u....not allow me to Call you....not allow me to meet....

Miss u dear....miss u darling...

I've cry....I've sad....but...who is realising my feeling?...who could actually love me the way that u love me?

Feel silly - 11.11.2010

Seriously I feel i'm so stupid...i'm so silly....how could i in love with you?....so deep even.... uncontrolable thinking of you....really hate myself....hate that i luv u....for you, who am i??? am i a person that u ask me to come...i come...u ask me to go...i go...is that me for you???

I seriously hate myself!!! I hate...hate that i couldn't forget you!!!....what a shit person am i!!!

i WERE HOPE THAT I EVER MEET YOU B4....ORELSE...I WON'T SAD...WON'T CRY....FOR YOU!!!

make my life difficult....I really hate myself!!!....what a shit idiot person am i!!!

How can i put so much trust on you!!! Until so deep my luv with you!!!....and now wanna move out from it!!!...it is impossible!!!.....

Hate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a shit fucker am i!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What an idiot gal am i!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm really stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!fool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!shit fucker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am really a shit fucker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!god damn me idiot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hate myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hate that i luv you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Omg...missing him 10.11.10

Omg...work only cure for a while of missing him....after all...when back to home...lonelyness are still there...missing him much...cry....when i need you....but where are you?....hate that i love you...

my things stolen - 05.11.10

my purse and phone get stolen!!!...the most important things is Kumar's photos get stolen...='(... i unable to keep his photos...the long hair photos that he like...such a useless am i...really useless...sorry Kumar...

Sorry....