heart paining,cry..sad..I HATE U!!!16/12/10

Arrrrrrrrrrrr......my heart paining!!!!....really!!!.....unable to breath....heart feel stop!!! very pain....like a lot of knife keep tab it into my heart......arrrr.....hurt!!!!....unable to breath!!!!! am i...arrr......pain......reriously hurt...pain.....really....unable to breath....feel like wanna throw away...break away everything...everything that u been give it to me!!!....arrrrrrrrr.......hurt!!!!! very hurt!!!!!!!! can't stand my pain!!!!....wanna kill myself!!!!arrrrr....really can't stand...can't stand anymore!!!!how could he send this to me!!!!!

feel like i am wrongly in luv of him!!!...feel like i'm not suppose to in luv with him...

omg!!!....this 2 years we been 2gether is blank!!!!!!!....tears drop uncontrolable!!!....

omg....uncontrolable feel hurt!!!COULDN'T IMAGINE THIS IS FROM HIS MOUTH!!!

HURTTTTTT!!!!!SERIOUSLY!!!!

DEAD!!!!....TOTALLY DEAD!!!!!...HEART TOTALLY DEAD FOR HIM!!!!

I NOW FEEL THAT I AM THE STUPIDEST GAL IN THE WORLD!!!

HOW COULD I FALL IN LUV WITH THIS GUY!!!!

HATE THAT I''M SO STUPID!!!!

"HATE THAT I LUV U!!!!"

I need you - 09.12.10

Tears fall down uncontrolly....drop it into my lip...taste bitter...

Thought could forget you....but it's hard....never thought i was so weak....always ask god how could he treat me like that...how could all this happen to me?? i thought i could forget him....i really thought so...

but now...i realise....he was so important to me....really hate that i love him so!!!!

The song of "Hate that i love you"...really could explain my situation now...

especially on :
"One of these days, maybe your magic won't affect me,
and your kiss won't make me weak,
but no one in this world knows me the way you know me,
so you probably always have a spell on me"

Another sentense is where :
"And you completely know the power that you have,
The only one that makes me laugh,
Sad and it's not fair how you take advantage of the fact,
That i love you beyond reason why and it just ain't right"

Hate that i love you....hate how muct i love you....if i were not to put so muct in love...today...I won't be like that...

Sorry to say...

He is missing me - 25.11.10

Saw his fb just now, he mention that u had went to a place where meet me for the last time in his life....I guess is the smart hotel he mention....hmmm....really doesn't know how to describe of our relationship...it's both of us loving each other...

but....we just unable to get together....what should we do??

20.11.2010 - your birthday

your birthday eve i was so upset dear...cos i'm not the one that important could celebrate your 21st birthday with you!...

Totally upset...I cry...i been mad...scold people....this is the hardest day for me to pass by....

now is already a quarter after 12am...i guest u r drinking right now....and gonna drink very hard today...not sure your family will gonna celebrate for you or not...but...i wish to celebrate with you...

Remember that we had in Roadhouse?...u mention is the best and ever birthday in your life...I'm happy to listen that...and wish to have wonderful birthday every year that could celebrate with you...

I believe u r waiting for your 21st birthday....a day that u will leave me soon...as u mention u will be work oversea...when the time after 21...

Really hope that now I could drink drink and drink until I able to drunk...and not to think anything in my life....as the heart paining won't be there....

Although drunk but heart and mind are still clear....

There is not much I can do...the only thing that i can do, is to send u a message via facebook...wishing u 21st Happy Birthday,wish u happy always, have a bright future...and success in your life...take care...

This is the only thing that i could do....as...u r not allow me to SMS u....not allow me to Call you....not allow me to meet....

Miss u dear....miss u darling...

I've cry....I've sad....but...who is realising my feeling?...who could actually love me the way that u love me?

Feel silly - 11.11.2010

Seriously I feel i'm so stupid...i'm so silly....how could i in love with you?....so deep even.... uncontrolable thinking of you....really hate myself....hate that i luv u....for you, who am i??? am i a person that u ask me to come...i come...u ask me to go...i go...is that me for you???

I seriously hate myself!!! I hate...hate that i couldn't forget you!!!....what a shit person am i!!!

i WERE HOPE THAT I EVER MEET YOU B4....ORELSE...I WON'T SAD...WON'T CRY....FOR YOU!!!

make my life difficult....I really hate myself!!!....what a shit idiot person am i!!!

How can i put so much trust on you!!! Until so deep my luv with you!!!....and now wanna move out from it!!!...it is impossible!!!.....

Hate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a shit fucker am i!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What an idiot gal am i!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm really stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!fool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!shit fucker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am really a shit fucker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!god damn me idiot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hate myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hate that i luv you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Omg...missing him 10.11.10

Omg...work only cure for a while of missing him....after all...when back to home...lonelyness are still there...missing him much...cry....when i need you....but where are you?....hate that i love you...

my things stolen - 05.11.10

my purse and phone get stolen!!!...the most important things is Kumar's photos get stolen...='(... i unable to keep his photos...the long hair photos that he like...such a useless am i...really useless...sorry Kumar...

Sorry....

Happy Deepavali - 03.11.10

Happy Deepavali...hope that i am the 1st 1 to wish u...(Wish u in heart)...

3rd year of Deepavali...is the year that we unable to celebrate together...

anyhow...wish u celebrate happily...

heart paining - 03.11.10

Heart paining....really heart paining....unable to control untill tears fall down....

cry hard...deeply hurt me....never thought that this would be his conversation:

"She is following me, but she never reliase that she could not even touch my shadow"

"A gal who make my life blash from heaven to hell"

"If she feel its decided ny GOD, then y should follow me!...even whatever things happen, but it could not change the past"

Omg....i am a hell gal for him...thanks...thanks for that....really hurt....hurt until speechless...

cry - 01.11.10

When think of u will cry...been cry since yesterday till today...think of you will cry...saw movie also when similiar with both of our senario...will cry....haih...can it stop??...

being like this also no use...u won't come back to me...whats that i waiting for??...

forget it...forget it chloe....u can't just be like that...life still go on...pls...forget it...forget it....pls...pls...pls...pls...pls...pls...pls...pls...pls...pls...

dun miss or expect the love anymore...as if that is for me...it will automatical it's mine...

now that is not...dun force myself to get that...dun...dun...as he is not the man that will care you anymore....as when i fall down...when i sick....but where is he??...forget it....forget it.... forget the love you had put on it..........

Sick, but u r not here with me 30.10.10

I'm sick Kumar....I'm sick....but u r not here with me...i sick till die also...u won't come and even see me is it??

ok fine.....bye

break more than a month - 28.10.10

We had break more than a month...missing him....i will sent my blogspot to him...when i totally forget bout him...then it shall be the end of our relationship...and no couple back anymore in future...

also dunno why i am so in luv with him...still crying in heart paining....

wanna hate him but can't....wanna luv him but can't.....just try not to think....but....sometime will think also....hate myself....hate that why i can't forget him...

after i break....many guys come propose to me wanna be my bf...all i refuse...i think bout 4 persons....but all i just refuse it.....

wht so good of him making me so in luv with him?!.... wouldn't know...

I guess...as what he mention....time could answer my question...

The end of Kumar & Chloe Story - 24.10.10

It's the end story of Kumar & Chloe Story~~

Lastly...the relationship between us has put in a dot.

Although not willing....but it has to...I shall say...We are loving...but no jodoh...

If there is a chance could move to past, I would rather I never meet of you, even meet of you, I would rather we are not couple at all...

As on my heart...there are a scare....a scare that unable to remove. Leaving you is a really sad situation that unable to remove the sadness...although been break almost 1 month...but I still uncontrolable to cry...tears fall down suddently....heart feel pain suddently...

If there is a chance of move to past...I would rather choose dunno u in my entire life...

Goodbye my 1st love....Although u are leaving me...I shall say...u are the best....

My daughter - 19.10.10

My daughter - Maimaititureyimu, Ayinuer. I had post a letter with gift to you...hope you received it with joys....

Although your daddy had leave us....but...he had his own commitment....dun put the blame on him...

I had buy some gift for you, tomorrow or the day after tomorrow will post it to you...hope you receive it before your actual birthday - 13/11.

Luckily u with me...orelse...I doesn't know how to put my feeling on it...luckily u still with me...

Love you Maimaititureyimu....hope to receive your letter soon...

umuax umuax...

Another crying day - 18.10.10

I cry again....when think of you...i cry again....doesn't know how to be strong....try just in a day not to be cry cos of you....but it couldn't...maybe for you...u can...cos I am not a important person for you...as u could leaving me easily....anyway...

It is adi non of your business...I cry, i sad cos of you also...it has nothing for you adi...I should accept the fact...

If time could revert, i hope not to meet u anymore....as when knowing it's hurt...whats for be together?

I guess only i'm the one still heart paining and keep cry for you...maybe for you...it has recover back....from our break....anyway...

It was non of my business adi...

Bye...

This would be the End - 17.10.10

Dear Kumaravellu A/L Kolandavilu,

Just would like to informed to you that...today would be the last day I cry for you...

Include today, it's adi 22days u had break me....I cry for 22 days...enough....enough adi....although i cry hard...I smile....I happy...I sad....it won't affect any thing for you....although if touch wood to say I made an accident and pass away....u also will not care on me anymore...

From now on....I wanna make myself high profile....I want to aim BMW...stay on my dream house...open my own business....this is my aim....

Not only this...I will keep my body fit...make myself look pretty and sexy....dress well....

I want to let you know that...you crash me...is your loss....make you regret of crashing me....let you know that...without you....my life still can go on with shine...

Although even without guys anymore in my entire life....My life still shine...

Thank you...

Thank you for couple with me...

Went to your house today - 16.10.10

Finally i had find and be on your house today....I've been searching from past last week and today...thought that it might be not your house...but finally I've been find through...I saw both of your dogs then only realise I had reach to your house...did not expect it was to be there...thought that I was missing....but...very kebetulan....kebetulan I mention here is because of when hitz.fm put up the songs of "Love the way you lie"...when it's put up...I saw your house adi....amazing...

The intention that I come is to pass you the vitamin...thought that just wanna put outside of your house...but scare both of your dogs may bark and your family may come out...thus...I still didn't put it yet...capture some of your house photos ....also capture some of arrounding your house...such as....the seven-eleven....the lorong that we been lepak by just drive arround...refresh of some of our memories....

Both of your dogs are so cute...lying on the sofa....both also cute...looking at them...i feel like time pass very fast...within a year...they are grow bigger...both of them had a big size...but...time past very fast too on our relationship...the different is that...both of them grow bigger...but our relationship grow broker...still remember mention that u rather die also doesn't want to miss myself even just one second...could imagine that, that time...how loving we are...

but now...we are break...u be your own...I be my own...this feeling is not good...it's like 1/2 of my soul gone...gone to a very far away without coming back....and unable to coming back...

I mention back all this sentence that u mention to me before....u said..."now is different...u could not change to the previous time that we had"...I was silent...althought heart breaken but pretending nothing...

On this period....I hate you, i love you, i miss you, i couldn't forget you, i keep think of you, i keep think of the past....but anyhow....it is a fact....a fact that u had leaving me....and... u are not coming back anymore....although i require...

Couldn't do much...u are still leaving me....speechless...actionless...what i can do?

Be alone to calm my feeling 1st...

as It's hurts....

Feel alone today - 15.10.10

Feel like being people to put on the god table....feel stress today...in office, colleagues kena me....the one that i use my heart to treat her, back up for her...assist her...but today...she kena me...by kutuk in front of everyone....on my heart...feel hurt....as why always the person that kena back me...is the person that i using my heart to treat them....

she is like that...u also is like that....I feel alone...totally out of keep close to everyone....forbia...forbia of treated people using true heart...leaving me just like that...

Everybody....especially u....as at least she said sorry, and ask me to forgive her....

But u?...4 times....4 times till now....today very down.....should i treat people by not treat using my true heart?

as treat by using true heart...people will tend to abuse it....hurting only myself....

Shall i?....very down today....

No women no cry - 14.10.10

Can i say no Kumar no cry?.....haha....so what?....if this is what u want for.....I could just say...."Wish u happy"....

buy again vitamin today....that day the vitamin been wrongly put for others....

I've been promise to buy for you...I'll give you....not sure will you eat or not...but...at least this is only the things that i can do....If love is to sacrify...then i sacrify it to your hapiness...

u did not reply my email....I guess...u will not email or msg or even call me anymore....ok...If i were to keep waiting from you to retain the love...it would only make you feel irritating on me...

Although I cry for everyday also....it's also not care by you anymore....

What i can tell you is that...this feeling is not good at all...although now u want to couple back...I would say sorry....I would say dun break my heart again...

As i doesn't know when again u will break my heart again...when will you leave me again...when will you mention again "Dun sms, dun call me" again....

Heart been break for 4 times...I couldn't accept it anymore....although i love you...although i couldn't forget you...although u are forever in my heart...

If you require couple back....I will say sorry...I could not....

Cos the trust on you...been gone....maybe could re-build again....I dunno....but I would say sorry for the time-being....

I would prefer u dun ever appear in my life....if i could choose....as....leaving to the person that you love...it's hurt...it's like now...

Kumar...if i were to die in heart attack....u dun supprise...as....cos of you make me cry...make me heart paining...make me feel so hurt...and illness keep compiling until having heart attack....and if i were die on heart attack....u dun supprise...

"No Kumar, no cry"

Hate that i love you - 13.10.10

I hate you!....hate you!....hate you!...hate that i could sacrify for you but u r not!...Am i really bad until x worth to be treat good?....

How could i forget a person that i really love?.....I'm couldn't just forget like that....now are like 1/2 of me gone....no mood to do anything...not at all.........

Try to stop being cry everyday....but couldn't...I've cry everyday....

It's been 17 days we break....I've cry up to current 17days....not even skip for one day....u mention won't make me cry in the entire of my life....but now....i cry uncontrolble...

Today Jennifer call and ask me do i attend the graduation?...I ask whether could postpone to next year?....she mention need to speak to the exam department...do i need to postpone?...as u adi dun 1 to see me anymore....do i still so sturburnly thought that you will come back to me?...

u are not with me anymore....

why should i still put hope on that?....I shouldn't be so stupid....but i really can't forget you....

you such a jerk!!....how come you could treat me like this?....if put my heart on our relationship is wrong....then I'm wrong rite now....

The more day we been break...the more pain of my life....I dunno I could stand alone without u until when la....as a day without u is like 10 years without you....

If i were die in suddent....will you regret of what u r doing rite now?....I hate you....I hate you...

I hate that I love you....

Where are you? - 12.10.10

Everyday login to Facebook...email...blog...finally today u online....but....u did not reply on my email....I guess....u need time to be alone...

Can u bring me together?....bring me to the future of both of us?....where live happyly forever after....

Am i given u stress to be with me?...if both are loving together....isn't it any thing could break?...why our love are not strong enough...

Looking at my cousin and my fren....both of them are so sweet and loving....I was think we could be like them in one day....but now....is leaving me alone here....

Although sometime arguing...but...at least both are loving....better like now....no any connection at all....the words that i wanna tell u...wanna ask you....I doesn't know...is there had any chance to tok...to listen...to ask you or not....

I was wonder...if, that time i was in Taiwan....not coming back....it's ok rite.....at least u mention to me u are loving me forever....at least we are loving....although just messaging....but...that time was so true and loving....

Now....not even msging....I was regret why i couldn't take care u more...why I sometime not answering your call....why I sometime couldn't msging u even....I was regret....as now....I dun have any chance....not at all....

Leave like a death person....without u...

I would ever wonder....do i cross your mind sometime....as for me....it is always....

A love that unforgetable....my soulmate....is it really end of our relationship?...I really can't imagine....not at all....

Looking at the things that u give me....now i feel like....it's surrounding me....

not the things that u gave me surrounding me....is your image surrounding me...

Can i drunk?....drunk for the whole life?....so then it won't wake up.....in the world of dreaming....few times i did dream u.....u r with me....not like now....leaving me alone.....how dare u....leaving me alone.....and now...when i'm alone.....I more miss u....but....so what....although i cry everyday....so what?....although i sad....cry...miss of you....so what?.....u will not care me anymore....u dun even bother me....last time u mention that when I'm with you...you will not gonna let me cry...u will care me like a princess....but now...I cry everyday....I sad everyday....where are you?....where are you?....can i noe where are you?...

I'm leaving like that without soul....my heart had given to you....why never take care properly?....why let it hurt like that?....don't u know it hurt?....dun you know it really hurt even a second without u??....where are you?...where are you??...

I want you come back to me....where are you?.....

Finally u online - 12.10.10

Everyday login to Facebook...email...blog...finally today u online....but....

Realiase wrongly - 11.10.10

Now i realiase that the vitamin i put it on the house is not your house...as i remember on the photos u post..."My lorries"....your house background is not the house that i put on the vitamin...

I will come again next week....

Cos...2 years adi we been 2gether...I never have a look on your house....not even know how does it look like of your house....i will come and search again...

Without u in my life....I was blank like a paper....without anything written there...looking at my cousin and his girlfriend's photos....so sweet....

They register today....even looking at the ring of both they wearing.....I saw stated there "Forever love"....suddently think of you....that the ring that we wear for 2 years...why it's not happen to me?....the forever love message is not happen to me....

Both of them are really sweet....but we...

without u in my life....it's like 1/2 of me gone...dunno where is it....sometime dunno what should i do....looking at the phone....dunno what i should do...

Looking at your pics....missing u....

Really wanna ask god....why does it happen to me??

Been to your house today - 10.10.10

Today is 10.10.10

Our 26th Aniversary....

U are not in home is it?....cos I been outside of your house.....

Not sure is that your house....No. 17, Jalan 7 Taman Sungai Jelok rite?

I guess so.....not sure have u receive the gift that I put it outside of your house....your bike and car are not there....so...I also not sure is that your house....

Missing u....look at your house....but not dare to put my gift.....as....affraid of u dislike.....

Why it's happen to me?....your face floating arround....

Couldn't forget you...your face arround me....missing u so much....

10.10.10.....it should be a forever day....but...y it's come me me? it's break??

Am i not deserve it?...am i as bad as until not deserve of having u?

Could you bring me together??.....although u wanna go to oversea....could u bring me together?? I'm not scare if with you......

Couldn't leave u even 1 second.....not even 1 second!!...

I hate myself.....why am i not an indian gal....why am i not an indian gal that with same of your Kasta??

why am i chinese??....and because of that....u leaving me....

Are u love me sincerely?....if yes....why still need to differential of chinese and indian?? even have Kasta??

Really such a tasteless life without u.....today been to the last day we date...Hotel Smart....

Looking at outside....imagine of you.....the last time we met.....

After that....not at all....your face turn to how also I didn't know....

U mention u been cut your hair....Doesn't know how doest its look on you....

I love you baby....but....I couldn't msg u...could call you....like a stranger for you...

I hate this....I hate all arround me....

Heart broken....heart paining.....heart attack....

Wanna drink....drank....drunk.....Looking at those pictures of you....tears uncontrolrable fall down....

Can i kill myself??.....I was just a small dust in the world....If without me in the earth....doesn't affect anything rite??....

Can i kill myself??....at the end of my life....I just wanna say "I love you"....."I do"....

26th Aniversary Eve - 09/10/2010

Today is the eve of our 26th Aniversary that we meet up.....26 month we been through...dunno am i will receiving msg on 12.00am sharp from you or not...and dunno I will be sending to you or not....but I hope to received your msg....

The last Aniversary we had...u didn't send it in proper...due to meeting customer....I'm not blaming on you...as what i want from you is a safe Kumar coming back to me....

But...no matter how I work hard...things won't work....I will keep studying on tamil....

Receiving letter from Stamford today....mention on graduation....27/11/2010....but...not happy....as this moment is the moment that we want to share together...you are not here with me...even i had that graduation with me also...I won't happy without you....not sure whether it could postpone or not....I want to graduate on the year that we could be together to celebrate....

Dunno how r u now?.....dunno that is your life really happy without me?....dunno that have you been recover back from break?....will you miss me?...

Really wish to know your feeling now...If I could....

Couldn't care you....couldn't understand you....Couldn't love you....Couldn't forget....Couldn't retain the love we been create also....

Can i have you back to my life?....tasteless life without u.....

Looking at the things that u give it to me....My 1st birthday...your present...although that time u had no money but still insist to give me the present...The bracelet that u give it to me....although is for cancer patient, but I had keep it...the watch that u present to me....couple watch....the momoent I look at the watch...I would think of you....as Its like the second keep rounding and keep reminding me to think of you...to miss you....the present of the Carlo Rino beg....I'm not even always use...as I'm affraid I might dirty it....the present of my 2nd birthday....u present me your heart to me....the red colour heart....the star that u fold to me and written "KC" over there...the sourvenir "Yokohama"... the key chain of Pangkor Island...both of our name is there...the shirt that u buy to me.....I always wear...as feel like u are hugging me....and the most important person u gave it to me...{Pinky Kumar}....

Only hugging of it....I could sleep....luckily u giving him to me....as when i miss u...at least I could hug on it....release my feeling over him....your scarf.....many more....many more that u given it to me.....looking at it.....missing of u.....

Your message to me.....your call to me....your mms to me....still remember that we video call...remember that in everyday...your msg of reminding me to eat my lunch....morning sure will ask me whether have I eat b1....but....Its been 2 weeks....2 weeks that didn't receiving anything....couldn't even to care you....

Looking at phone.....dunno what i can do....last time I noe that my hp is mainly function on msging u....but now....dunno what i can do with it....

The birthday card u given to me...mention "I love you....I do".....

Do it still valid?.....what i can do....is only letting you leaving me....letting u search your own life...as...only that...your heart won't hurt forever.......

Just let me accepting all this hurting....all this sacrifying...at least u feel better on it...

Everyday I've cry....cry when i'm alone....cry when I think of you....cry until the tissue roll from 1 roll till finish....until not enough....

Today is the eve of Aniversary...."Happy 26th Aniversary".....

"Happy 2 years and 2 months of Aniversary"....

On the 1st year...we mention we did it for 365days....but now....It's been end....

"KUMARAVELLU A/L KOLANDAVILU"....."I LOVE YOU"

you are not here - 08/10/2010

Your are not here with me....why baby?....coukdn't stand anymore....couldn't pretend anymore....thought that i could forget u....but cannot....couldn't pretend anymore...this feeling is very horrible....day time pretending nothing...even could pretend smile....night time cry...night time is the real of me...

Only could cry when i take bath...only could cry when i write blog....I miss u...I miss u....I couldn't admit of life without u...I still imagine that u still with me....I still imagine...I still imagine u are my bf....I still imagine u are still with me...u didn't leaving me...

I miss u...I miss u so much....

But could not enter the love that we been build...could not enter the love we been create...could not enter the love that we develop day by day....

At the begining, u couldn't leaving without me....but now....my turn of couldn't leaving without you...but now it's adi too late....u doesn't know....

In this period...my love with you didn't less....futhermore....it's add...but...you are not here with me...

In this period...I still study hard in tamil...I still do the things that u like...but...the only things that I couldn't do...is to love you...to care you....to understanding you...

People thought that i had recover from break...but...actual...they don't know...they don't know that everyday i cry...everyday i miss of you....

what i can do??...looking at my phone...waiting for your call...waiting for your msg...but...none of your call...none of your msg sent it to me....

The period without u is the period of most sad for me....the feeling its like without my dad...without my grandpa....

Seem like whithout everything in the world....it's like a part of me missing.....

life become tasteless....

Couldn't enter the love we been work hard....What i only could do....is to wish u "Happy forever without me in your life"

I miss u....

Stamford & Hong Leong - 07/10/2010

On leave today...thought wanna rest at home...settle down my feeling...but received call from Jennifer...mention result can be take....in my heart....doesn't know if I come today, will he be there also...

After lunch with my ex-colleagues, plan to take my result afterward...by just using my GPS...I take the challenge of drive through...using duke highway...saw of all the building....the building that we went through...when u fetch me to Stamford....

One of the building we went through...in Mont Kiara...u mention that one day will bring me to there...but...I guess...there is no chance anymore...drive through the road....saw motorist, i will hope to search of you....saw the road for motor...I will keep searching...see whether you are there or not....

drive through again...saw of the road...building...that we been went through....heart feel sour...suddently felt pain...really can't imagine and unexpected this could be happen to me...

reach to Stamford...the 1st thing i do is to see on the parking lot for motor...is your motor there or not....but...disappointed....

Get my result from Jennifer....asking her some question from Jennifer, only get to know that you had take your result on 12.30pm....couldn't convocation together with you....my heart pain untill deep down...the hard work that we achieve together...now...only I'm alone...even the chance to see you from there also couldn't...why the god treat me like this?? I wanna talk to Jennifer to postpone my convo...

I guess your feeling now must be worst...hope that i could be there with you and take care of you...after getting out from Stamford...took the last picture of Stamford...as my memories from there...if both work hard together...I believe in a day....our dream will come true...

But...u are last minute putus asa...what i can say to retain you?...

After that, drive through to your office...Hong Leong Bank...the place you work...from far looking at 5th floor....tears uncontrorable fall down....heart paining...

It's been 12days.....12days we break....feel like wanna hug u....kiss you....but....there is no chance anymore...

need you now - 05/10/2010

Baby....baby....where are u?....without u....I'm not even could smile....missing u....I need u now!!... I need you now!!...It's been 10days...10days we break!!...each of the day is like a year for me...

Eat without taste....play without happy...it's been 10days....but it's been 10years for me....

I'm all alone...and I need you now...I said I wouldn't call, wouldn't sms...but i lost all control and i need you now now....I need you...and i dunno what to do i just need you now!!...

If i were be with you until end of my life...the minute u pass away, I guess I'll be follow u to kill myself and be with u together...u r in heaven...I follow....u r in hell...I'll be follow also...as...without u in my life...it's like nothing in me...

Tastless life without u...couldn't stand a second without u also...

But...couldn't be with u...u prefer to be alone rather than with me....I have to accept your decision...as u mention...u be with me...your heart hurt forever....if like that....I rather i get hurts....as...u think this is the best decision...I dunno I will be married with others or not...but...the 1 that i had choose in my heart had gone....a forever love relationship...but...it was no more with me...I guess this would be the last time we crash...as...it wouldn't have a chance to couple back...

Why it had to be like that?...look at your pics...memories all floating around....but you are not here with me...

Missing your hug...really feel alone...miss your kiss...the sweet soft lip...I love you...I really do...

I love you...I do...

Shell without soul - 04/10/2010

Another shell without soul day....wake up...work...missing u...back to home...shower...cry....facebooking...blogging...releasing tension...sleep...missing u...hugging u...

Always look through my hp....but...still doesn't received any msg from u...suddently sound...thought of your msg...but...see see...is maxis msg...

life been corrupted by you...and now wanna pull it back...it seem like...x even single 1 % also wanna release from heart...

what shall i do?...anyone could let me noe? I had x energy at all to pretend strong...

Very weak....

Crying day - 03/10/10

Today no mood to go for facial...staying at house missing u....try to sleep for a while...but when i lay on my bed....thinking of u again...listen song...the song are just like my situation now...chinese song....."Ni bu Zai" by Lee Hom....while listening....tears fall down and cry hard...the lyric are exactly like my situation now...the lyric are like this;(

youtube website: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OP1roi1_Fs

When the world's only this bedside lamp
On your side is already morning went out
I turn away feel that u are turning sideway
Countless strangers are waiting for the next green trafic
Keep miss out of the time that we miss out
If missing of a warmth kiss
I off the light, darkness swallow me

you are not here, when i need the love most, but u are not here with me
endless waiting are hardly to stand....
you are not here, although happy or sad...you are still not here with me
I've get hurt and secretly recover...but u are not here with me...not here

Time are pressing many times of shutter
Silently hearing rotation of second
a person to eat diner in midnite
I'm alone and u mention that u had someone
My phone only content of my body temperature
No matter how serious also my dream are not gonna be true
U mention is tru, I have to admit it

You are not here, when i need the love most, but u are not here with me
enless waiting are hardly to stand....
you are not here, although happy or sad...you are still not here with me
I've get hurt ans secretly recover...but u are not here with me...

All the swinging, I've understand...all i've understand
but you are not here...love is not here....not here...

you are not here...when i need the love most...but you are not here with me
a person acting both parties in love...
you not here, happy or sad, you are still not here...
its like the air doesn't exist in the world...as without any traces in love
you are not here...when i need the love most, you are not here with me...

hatin on the club - 02/10/10

Hatin on the club 02/10/10...the 1st time been into club...sawing all the loving couple...my mind cross of you...last time we been loving before...just like them...

Kumaravellu A/L Kolandavilu....shall i forget u in my life?...my heart not willing to...is this call sacrify for luv?...i guess so...if he think that being with me...his heart hurt forever...then...i sacrify my luv for his happiness...

hatin into club...enjoyrable....release up tension....ignore everything.....with the high volumn of music....with the thick lical....I release up my tension for the temporary....at least release temporary....back to today 03/10/10....when enjoyrable finish....tension coming back....

Maybe...need to hatin frequence only could release up slowly by slowly....but...what cross my mind of you...is when the music put up of your favourate song "Down"....I am put up my hand to my ear cover up not to heard the song....as...its make me think of u....tears a bit in my eye...luckily not falling down....orelse...embarrassing....and also the song of "love the way you lie"...yell like hell...seem you are here and wanna yell it and tell you....this 2 songs make me uncontrolrable of feeling....

recognise some of new frens over there too....

drinks lot...I guess in 9 of us with gus and girls...talk about girls...I am the best drinkers among them....drink one shot and one shot....get myself high...release up all the sadness...

This is a nice place....I guess I may be there frequence....hope they could keep inviting me for the next and following times...

Hatin to the club of release up sadness...

Drunk day - 30/09/10

Yesterday....a hard day...a injure day for me...but u are not here with me...Feel like wanna die...

I buy drinks and drunk it on my car...park my car nearby Tasik and start drink!!...One short finish 4 can...muntah straight away...but keep drink until finish...really feel dizzy yesterday!!...after finishing....get down the car and walk along the Tasik....sit on the pondok that we crash last time...remember of u...looking at your pic...u are no more with me...cry...and cry...and cry....sleep at the pondok even...hug of the place that u been sitting for...a hard day for me without u in my life...feel like wanna kill myself....

Very dizzy...even back to home...muntah during shower...muntah hard...really pening of my head...muntah again...even on my bedroom...muntah all the while in toilet...from 8pm untill 2.00am midnite...I muntah until nothing to muntah...but keep want to muntah...muntah until my heart pain...my stomach pain...but still muntah...until acid2 split it out...

Never thought that it was such a hard time...mabuk badan but could not mabuk tenangan... at midnite looking for my handphone, trying to call my no. but accidently press his no.

Get my phone adi...I sleep in dizzy...wake up and muntah again....sleep back with dizzy again...few times...even today still dizzy...but...all this happen, u r not with me...I was hoping your hand could help me to release my feeling on my back...I was hoping u could hug me to the toilet to muntah...I was hoping u could give me a hot towel to clear my mind...but...when i need you...you are not arround!!...

Get into the office...saw your email....hurting!!...really hurting!!...doesn't thought that u could hurt me like this....put in red highlight and ask me to promise u on that...I guess...If I death...only i could fullfill your wish...

over the msg...u mention u received call from my house...but...u won't worry of me...rite??...if my house calling...u are not worrying that i may have some accident...or kill myself...or having some sickness and now in hospital wish to see u for the last time?...but...what u email to me...is to ask me not to contact u anymore...

even i kill myself...u won't worry is it??...For u...I was death adi is it??...then what for I'm still alive...U are already 1/2 o me...without u...i was alive without soul....then what for I'm still alive here??....I miss u...I luv u....

but y are u hurting me like this?!...why all this is happen to me?!...y my bf won't take the challenge on facing it?!...rather than choosing this as a decision?!...

Mention of be with me forever!!...mention of won't leave me anymore!!...mention of will work hard to achieve whatever in our life!!..but now....but now u r leaving me....

Leaving me without letting me noe your real reason....leaving me with your stainless steal heart...

I love u...I love the way u hurt me...I hate u...I hate the way u mention it is good for our future...

Sad day - 29/09/10

Imagine again...only that could make me feel more better....

When I alone...tears fall down again....especially in bathroom...cry...cry...cry...

This is a place that only i could release out my feeling of being real instead of pretending!!

In the bathroom...I had done an immediate reaction things!!!...

Cry while showering...Suddenly my mine appear to kill myself...I straight take the shower form mix with little water and drink!!! 2 cups i drinks!!...bout 50ml i guess i had drink...muntah after that....sore throat very pain...but keep drink....and keep muntah...wanna hurt myself...and all this is suddently message to ask me drink without think in my mine....

After all....sore throat...very pain...while having diner, feel like gastric pain....the pain was until now...still paining...after clear off my mine....feel like next time if wanna kill myself...better not to use drink poison...cos that feeling not good....To kill myself...I guess I will use to cut off my hand kut.....

Pain is only short hard pain...then long little bit pain...I guess I'll choose this to kill myself...If I got the chance to do that....

Cos now is still paining after drink of shower form....disgusting taste and bitter...but still finish it....cos suddently feel like wanna kill myself...that mind set x even having a second to off...my hand adi mix up with the water and drink....

doesn't noe why like that but suddently feel wanna kill myself....mayb cos of muntah make me clear off my mine...My mine of still need to take care of my family....only stop of doing that...

today is the 4th day....4th day that we break...

my ex-admire suddently msging to ask go out for clubbing....eem...shall i go??....shall i go with him??....I still couldn't imagine of leaving him again....but...is it a time for me to forget him??...I doesn't wish to....really doesn't wish that...but what should i do?? shall i go clubbing with him?? Wanna enjoy clubbing...but...not him to bring me....What Kumar promise is to bring me for clubbing!!...but....is that only could dream only??...I only trust on Kumar, that y i ask him to bring me...but now shall i go with him??...do i believe on him??...he will do anything on me??...affraid...but...I think I will accept to go with him....as...wanna crazyly forget everything on sadness situation!!...

Wanna release out!!!

Dream Dream Dream 28/09/10

Dream....Hope that on the situation now is not true...all this is dream...I am dreaming only... I am dreaming having a nightmare only...



It is a dream rite?? tell me!!...tell me now!!! Tell me this was just dream!!!



Pain and hurt!!...day by day...I could only imagine that u still couple with me... it just u busy... cannot sms and call me only........only like this my heart could release good a bit...



This morning sudly want to msg u "I wake up adi dear"....but only realise u are not with me anymore...tears fall down...=`(

All this happen again...I couldn't just like be normal back...tears fall in heart...but only could do is to imagine u still with me...

Mum ask what happen?...I say nothing....She ask again am I break again?...I say no...dun bother me...

As...I couldn't imagine after I say it...I may cry hard in front of her...until couldn't control...

Last time having that big arguement...I was treat rude to my family...and mention that give us a time of 2 years to prove to them....but now with this happen...I doesn't know how to tok to them anymore...that day I was so sure to come out this to them...even ask them not to bother us as we already had a clear and sure mind towards work hard on that...but in the end....

What that i can do?...I only could imagine u still in my life....

Doesn't wish to say "goodbye"...really refuse on that....my heart won't let it go....

What a grey day....god...is this dream??...I hope it was...as after wake up...u are still be with me....

Enless Relation - 27/09/10

Is that the end of our life...the luv that we been create day by day...now in the end...only content of memories...I luv the way u look at me...luv the way u touch...luv the way u hold my hand...a big hand that cover whole of my hand...luv the sweet msg that u sent to me...luv the way u kiss...hug....luv the way u rubber on me...

but all this...could only be happen in dream...

imagine only i could do...

but after wake up, back to the lonely life..........really hope to stay in the dream forever....as...at least I'm still with u....

Another argue day - 26/09/2010

He scold me "Stupid btl"....scold me doesn't know noe how to read msg...

After yesterday happen, I was trying to be good back to him...but he scold me with this...am i really not deserve to be treated good??...after mention that I hope he could be loving like last time...hopefully he could msg me like last time...

but...but he was telling me not to be like small gal...I was exited of yesterday dating...everyday masking...hope that meet with him could be more ceria and pretty...but...cos of yesterday he accident...we didn't date...

Worrying bout him....although he had cancel the date but 4 me I didn't angry...as I noe was not his false...but...I really really wish to date with him...

Received his call with asking those stupid questions....really make me sad but still need to pretend nothing...although tears fall down adi, voice begin to turn, but still need pretend nothing...

keep hurting....everyday cry...cos of him...but need to pretend nothing....

Yes, I am having this relationship...but...y I think he is too far away...

Totally not like my bf...now even my fren is more close with me than him!!

Is it is time for me to pull out from hand? Honey and bee are suppose to be together...but Bee's heart is not there adi...honey turns to be not sweet anymore...

Wat a gray day!!!

Relationship not as previous - 18/09/2010

Although been couple back...relationship not as close as previous...why its hard that we decide and want to be 2gather, but...you couldn't hargai the relationship that we wish to fight for...I noe that in your heart, there must be something...something u wasn't want to share with me...

Although u never tell from you mouth...but as your gf...I could feel it...that time u wish to break again with me is it? now a day u hot temper, scold me up...I tolerate...as I luv u...dun 1 to argue with u...wanna change myself...it's adi 6.50pm...u haven't reply...still angry...

in your heart...there must be something...u doesn't wanna tell me...i noe...i noe it was relate to me...u feel stress is it?...In fact u couldn't decide to be with me, if in 2 years your family not approve...as...that was your family...and...u also doesn't noe how to tok with me...as u been promise to be with me...but u really couldn't ignore your family...u r in the middle rite??

Thats y u message to me...mention that anyhow u luv me mre that I luv u...cos u promise will sacrify to be with your family...

If luving me is so hard for you...now even couple back but u r not putting the luv inside....I rather stay in Taiwan forever....doesn't wish to come back...at least that tme u r still luving me....not like now making both of us argue...not happy...

Although now u r with me...but your heart r not with me...I sad...happy...cry...smile....it doesn't meaning for you...not like last time u with me...I sad or angry...u will pujuk me...

U had change...change to a person that I'm not dare to put angry with...as I will scare u mention again to break me up...

change to a person being ignore everythg...although I hurt...I sad...I doesn't want a bf like that...

This Kumar is scarry...I was putting my effort on everythg that u want me to change...as I noe..the sacrifaction that u put..is more than me....

But u r not given me any chance to change...I need to tolerate with u until although i cry...but...I stand nothing and pretend nothing and make u happy...

I apologise...waiting for u to msg me... call me....why always mention "tata"... I just want to listen a word from u which is from your full heart...which is "I Luv U" from your full heart...

If u really feel that being with me...make u stress up...very irritating...then, I would rather u leave me now...as u leaving me now...at least u r loving me rite now...

As I'm affraid when u keep force to be with me....in some other day...u may no more loving me...although I had try my hard to change as wat u want...but....no use....as u adi dun luv me at all....

The first day we met after we couple back...I really feel like my old Kumar are coming back...really feel tenteram that day....but after that....no more....

we just been couple back almost 2 weeks...but in just a second....we had come to a real situation again that we facing....be with u on the 1st day that we couple back...I really feel like we just be like that time....forever...u care me...I understand u...I share whatever to you...

but...till to the next day...everythg change back to this situation....

The feeling and situation that I hate most...

Is it after a started of tenteram, there will be difficult time for us to face?....so fast?...

u x given us a chance...thn how we could fight for future...

Is it after a borrow of tenteram...need to return back and replace back more difficult time to suffer?...

U hurt me....I allow....But when I use back the words to you...u angry?...u mjuk?...u doesn't wanna even msg me??....

That was the word that u use to me....my hurt feeling is like now u hurting...but i need to pretend nothing....and make u happy again...as I doesn't want arguement...

I want we tke care of this relationship....but y u keep hurting me....until I melutup...and tell all this to u?....and now mjuk with me??...

I want to keep this relationship....is that wrong?...is that I need to merayu to get this?...I am also a human that had mother to born....had feeling...

Please dun keep hurts me again....as I'm weak not as strong as u think....

Couple back - day 1 on 08/09/2010

Not sure of our future what will going to be....but...we will stand on our position for it!!!

A day that without him-Day 15 08/09/2010

A lonely day....I took MC today...I purposely sent wrongly to him...but..the reply I get from him is...."Why you send to me?"...he no more care me anymore...no more...

I had no mood to start work...no mood to do anything...simply take MC to be mad gal today...very pain....I know that for you...parent only one, without them...couldn't get anymore...thats y u protect them from not even let them know anything....Chloe Liew Ting Ling also 1 only...but for u...mayb u think to change...as wat u want is a "pure true luv"...

"Pure" meaning to say is it "pure indian"....Chloe Liew Ting Ling could not make it rite?...although she now wanna get to learn Tamil, wear panjabi, not to eat beef...learn indian culture...but...wat u and your family want is a "pure indian" that could only be your gf or your wife rite?

x kan what I do now all this is not true luv to you?? is it a fake luv for you??....

Nvm la...u had decide...what I could do??...stay mad only I could do....

Hope that when that time we had pass away, and if there is a chance to be human again...u promise to me u will choose to be chinese....then on this entire life...we couldn't be together...but on our next generation...we could in luv again...and we could be together...forever on our next generation...

another one thing I wish to tell you...u ask me to be like Madhu that have a kind heart....actually, I am doing good thing also for the past more than 1/2 year...I had adopt a child...is a gal...her name is Maimaititureyimu, Ayinuer....9 years old....in Xinjiang China....every month I sent some money to her family...enough for every month to them....u didn't know bout that as I feel like doing good things not necessary to let all people know...thats y even u also...I didn't tell u...only my mum know...as monthly I need her to help me to bank in the money monthly to them...except my mum...no 1 know....now I tell u...is because...I wanna let u know that...I am a gal also that what u looking for....doesn't wanna tell u when that time we are argue is because...although I have done all this but I'm not necessary to tell everyone...or let everyone to know....now I let u know...is because...although this children is adopt...but...I had assume that...she is our children....

Goodbye my luv....I couldn't assume that u had die...as if u die...I'll follow your step to die together...I couldn't assume that I was having a bad dream...As I doesn't wish to forget u in my life....I couldn't let myself to ignore u...as i couldn't do that also....

If u had choose what u had think is correct and feel better...then...go ahead lerr...I am no one for you to stop u...

Good luck...dun forget to wear the braclet that I give u...as it's bring u luck....dun forget when u miss me...listen on the shell....as there is sea wave that keep telling u "I luv u, I miss u"....dun missing again the thing that I present to you...as...I dunno I could still give u present to you or not on my entire life....dun delete the msg that i sent to you...as...there will no chance for me to msg u anymore....dun delete the pic that we had took together...as...I wouldn't noe we could had chance to took pic together or not...dun delete the memories that we had create...as on the rest of the entire life...there will be no memories that we could create anymore...

But...all this...if u decide to forget me in your life...I couldn't stop u also...just do whatever u like lerr...as...I want u to be happy....If u think u delete all...it's bring u happy....then I couldn't stop u...

Lastly....gudbye my luv...although couldn't stand the pain of u leaving me...but it is a fact adi...goodbye and luv u forever...miss u forever...

I couldn't say bye to you yesterday...as I really doesn't wish to bye...

But anyhow...u had decide...

I HAVE to say goodbye.....

A day that without him-Day 14 07/09/2010

A last day that i could saw him....during my trip...he mention will give me good news after I come back...but...at the end....the answer is still same....I had ask him to think properly...deeply...after I come back let me know the answer...

During my trip...he agreed to be with me...but when I come back...he leave me again...3rd times...my heart feel like it's not mind....hurt until couldn't control...feel like wanna kill myself...couldn't stand for it anymore..I rather not come back from Taiwan...at least u will still msg to me...at least I'm still your gf....at least I am still...at least.....

Why he couldn't work with me together to try?!...not even try...why never try our best to get the bless from them?! I could merayu...merayu in front of his house until your father could let us to be together...I could learn Tamil, I cook Indian Food, I never eat beef on my entire life, I'll learn Indian culture...I believe with my hardwork, things could become miracle...I could merayu in front of his house no matters raining, sunny day, tunder come...until your father could let us to be together....but all my planning of hardwork...been stop not by your parents...is by you...why??...why u even not to try...I believe with our hardwork...we could make miracle...or is it u affraid of your parent even get to know??...not even wanna let them know because it will hurts them is it?...

No use adi...no use adi if I wanna do my part but u disagree...anyhow...I mention that I agree your decision after u my trip...I HAVE to agree...although we have hope to make things become miracle...but when u not agree...I HAVE to accept...I feel like...your luv on me is not as that deep as Myself to you...as I willing to spend a year to try...although it is win or lose...I accept the fact...but why not u?..

I couldn't accept the fact of u leaving me...as u promise to me u will be with me forever...u mention we are different...as your sibling is know about us and they accept and they could help us to convience your parent...but now....u said it couldn't....If I die also...It is nothing for you is it??...

today is the last day that I could meet you in my life...I was promise on u I won't cry but...I'm not that strong as u think!!...I couldn't stand the pain of u leaving me...the hug that u give me...the kiss that u lastly given to me...when I meet u that time...I had a lot of things to say...but...I stop myself...as...u had decided...u decided not given a try....why??...u affraid of hurting your family but u not affraid of hurting me??...I am nothing for u??

When u mention u send me back to my car...we walk along...I walk very slow...very2 slow...u ask me why? I said nothing.....In fact, I wanna tell u...I hope that the road never end...so then u could hold my hand and keep walk and walk...and walk...until we get old and entire of our life...

But...why the road is very short!!...very short like clip my eyes once and it's arrive...I wish to hold your hand until our entire of our life...u mention relaxly...ask me to forget u...get a guy to married and get 2 children....

It's hard to forget u....u had utilize full of my heart....and now u leave me...let me suffer for the pain...if u are to giv me happiness...u noe that u shouldn't leave me....u said u treat me like a princess if I be with u...and now when I be with you...u treat me like a mad gal...a mad gal that always cry...no mood to do anything...no happiness in my life....

I dunno how to take care...as I dunno how to take care without u....sometime will feel like wanna hurt myself...when hurt myself...mayb u will come and see me...sometime feel like wanna crash in an accident....so that when I get into hospital...mayb u will come and see me...seriously...nows a day I feel like I'm not concerntrate when driving...emergency brake...when saw a motorist will keep looking...thought that was u...imagine that was u too...

arr...what i should do?? kill myself better than stay in this current situation........

A day that without him-Day 6 30/08/2010

Today, I finally get to know that the real answer of he crashing me...really hurt after hear that...

He mention that "He not more luv me"...adi been cheating himself for long time that mention he luv me but actually it is not...hurt...although hurt...but...I choose to forgive him....as...I still believe that he luv me...It just he get bore...and also of his family...his family couldn't accept me...he mention that his family had put fully trust on him...and he choose to be with his family rather than me....

I understand....I understand your situation....remember that I ask u if I want u to choose that both myself and your mum had jump into a sea...and...who will u rescue 1st?...u couldn't answer...I know adi...

For me...I choose to save my mum also...but after that...I'll be jump it over into the sea and die with u together....

As now only i feel that I couldn't leave without u....and I rather die for u....

I dunno u mention to me that u x luv me anymore....is it real...but I hope it is not...as I dun think so u r such person...

I luv u my dear....this is really come from my true heart...hope that u happy forever...even without me on your life...

I'll keep on post my blog....keep post until I could forget u...or if possible...couple back with you...

Then after I had forget u...or I had re-couple back with u...I will post it to you....for u to see how much is my miss to you...how much is my luv to you...

As u r special for me...A guy that I could put my luv and heart into...

I'm not looking for a relationship that playful...If u r not serious...pls dun come back to me...

As...a relationship i want....is a relationship that we could be together forever....Luv u forever....

A day that without him-Day 5 29/08/2010

I had found my ring...my valueble ring...I thought gonna lost it...luckily I found it...orelse I'll unconfortable....as the ring declare of I'm his wife...although I'm x...although I'm x qualify...



Today I saw he email me...2 emails total...latest was on 27/08, today only I realise...



Although after all, I had email all my feeling to him...he still had that decision....I would no choice but to respect of his decision....although I hope I could decide of choosing the bad decision...but... I would rather he happy....let me suffer everything...as long as he happy...



Today...i had go to the place that we recent hang out....capture some photos....capture our memories also....as I want it to be forever....forever that I can remember of him....



Goodbye my hubby....(Please let me call u for the last time...)...pls....



heart hurt....goodbye my luv....my hubby...goodbye forever....

A day that without him Day 4 28/08/10

Thought that today might be feel better....but I feel more worst....I've cry hard....very hard in office....I missing the ring....It's been 2 years with me but today....It's been missing....the ring that with engraving "Forever Love".....why?? why when u gone....even the ring gone missing?? feel unconfortable!!!...without the ring that put on my finger...on the finger declare of married...

Still remember u put it on me....now with the scare finger...It's keep me remind to think of u....I've try hard to search...couldn't find....why?...Is it mean that our relationship had no hope anymore??..I doesn't wanna lost u....but u gone....now the ring is gone with u too....

why?? why?? why u gone and even bring the ring together? not even to let me have a thing on missing u?...not even want me to think of I'm some 1 4 u??

I keep type...keep cry....keep cry hard....can't imagine how my life will be without u on past of my life....

When I present u the ring....with "Forever Love"...my heart had assume that u are my life partner....u r the person that I'll gonna married...I'll gonna be forever...

I love u my dear...u had deeply utilize full of my heart...but now u gone....I dunno how to take u from my heart....my heart unwilling to let it go....unwilling to let u gone....

I miss u....miss u every single of moment....Really hope that we will be forever....but u had choose to be alone...u feel it better....I had no choice to refuse...wish u be happy without me....

Heart getting worst....

A day that without him-Day 3 27/08/2010

No connection....totally gone....I've check my fb...he had remove me on his profile.....it's won't gonna be any connection anymore....this is the day 3 that we had crash....my 1st love....unforgetable love...hate this feeling...kill myself better than staying current situation...hurt...heart paining...deep pain...

today, the last message I sent to him...time 9.44pm...goodbye my luv....my soul...for you...I had die...a person that even I had die suddenly and it is nothing for you...a stranger for you...

No worrys...I wont gonna disturb u anymore....as u wanna b alone....u feel better...your choice...

Luv the way u kiss, luv the way u hug, luv the way u care....

Thank you for your luv....sorry for everything....and also sorry for disturbing u...

Really no energy to pretend....energy low...its hard to pretend strong and smile in front of every one but behind cry...need to be a clown...

GOODBYE....GOODBYE MY LOVE...

A day that without him-Day 2 26/08/2010

He's gone...doesn't even wish to have a single relationship with me....pass me my card in hurry...face not even look at me....do u noe that when u gone, the pieces of my heart are missing u.....

I'm like a shell without soal...come to work, work more...work late just to pass the time...doesn't want a single second to make to think of u....as think of u...my eyes may couldn't control to drop my tears....

I cry....cry many in a day...pretend nothing with colleagues....but when I'm alone....tears falls again....

Rather be at the office....as I could cry hard under the table....no 1 knows....rather then drop my tears every moment....

Doesn't like to be at house....as in house when everyone enjoying....I couldn't have the feeling to enjoy it....when in my house....pretend need to put more harder....as doesn't want they worry on me...they haven't know...

Love is it means everything? but for him are not....as he rather be alone....he feel more better to be alone....some more ask to "feel it"....am I really bad that until he could mention "better to be alone" and declare very fast from "Marriage" to "Single"....

Feel like wanna drunk myself everyday just to make at least a moment not to be so hard of thinking him....as it's pain....tears keep drop....

But who am I to think of him? who am I to still keep loving him? who am i to care him any more?

(Dah hits target ke? tak nampak muka pun...hehe)

- from there, I know and understand adi....pls dun say "Luv u" when it is not come from your full heart....please dun over promise, when you couldn't make it....definately not to mention promise to be with me forever if u couldn't do that....

Thanks....thanks for hurting me...

tears dropping....really need bottles of drinks to drunk myself....

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