Imagine again...only that could make me feel more better....
When I alone...tears fall down again....especially in bathroom...cry...cry...cry...
This is a place that only i could release out my feeling of being real instead of pretending!!
In the bathroom...I had done an immediate reaction things!!!...
Cry while showering...Suddenly my mine appear to kill myself...I straight take the shower form mix with little water and drink!!! 2 cups i drinks!!...bout 50ml i guess i had drink...muntah after that....sore throat very pain...but keep drink....and keep muntah...wanna hurt myself...and all this is suddently message to ask me drink without think in my mine....
After all....sore throat...very pain...while having diner, feel like gastric pain....the pain was until now...still paining...after clear off my mine....feel like next time if wanna kill myself...better not to use drink poison...cos that feeling not good....To kill myself...I guess I will use to cut off my hand kut.....
Pain is only short hard pain...then long little bit pain...I guess I'll choose this to kill myself...If I got the chance to do that....
Cos now is still paining after drink of shower form....disgusting taste and bitter...but still finish it....cos suddently feel like wanna kill myself...that mind set x even having a second to off...my hand adi mix up with the water and drink....
doesn't noe why like that but suddently feel wanna kill myself....mayb cos of muntah make me clear off my mine...My mine of still need to take care of my family....only stop of doing that...
today is the 4th day....4th day that we break...
my ex-admire suddently msging to ask go out for clubbing....eem...shall i go??....shall i go with him??....I still couldn't imagine of leaving him again....but...is it a time for me to forget him??...I doesn't wish to....really doesn't wish that...but what should i do?? shall i go clubbing with him?? Wanna enjoy clubbing...but...not him to bring me....What Kumar promise is to bring me for clubbing!!...but....is that only could dream only??...I only trust on Kumar, that y i ask him to bring me...but now shall i go with him??...do i believe on him??...he will do anything on me??...affraid...but...I think I will accept to go with him....as...wanna crazyly forget everything on sadness situation!!...
Wanna release out!!!
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